Are you a Victim, a Critic, or a Partner in your Relationship and in your Life?
The Critic
We can all be critical on occasion (or possibly all the time) about ourselves, about other people and about our partner, their behaviour or ways of doing things. Constant criticism of your partner and the way they do things will very quickly chip away at the love you feel for each other can destroy your relationship faster than you can imagine. Constant criticism of yourself eats away at your self-confidence and self-esteem and can make you feel unworthy or undeserving.
Want to control
- When you criticise your partner what you are often trying to do is to control them. Make them do things your way or agree with your opinion or way of doing things. We often try to control our partners because we feel devalued by their behaviour or attitude. Self-criticism will keep you stuck and stop you from doing things because you will never think you are good enough.
- Solution: Ask yourself “Why is it so important to me to be in control of this situation?” Why do I feel it so necessary to control my partner’s behaviour?” “What is it saying about me?” It’s important to look at yourself and try to understand what is going on and why you feel you must be in control.
Find fault
- When you criticise your partner to try and get them to change their behaviour you will fail. They will most probably dig their heels in and continue or they may “change” temporarily but it won’t last, all it will do is build resentment and frustration in them that will come back to haunt your relationship down the line.
- Solution: Tell your partner how much you value, love and respect them. Tell them why you have an issue with their behaviour. Listen to them and try to understand why they behave in that way and then try to find a compromise.
Don’t value themselves
- When you criticise yourself you are telling yourself you are not good enough. You don’t deserve to have the best. You can’t be, do or have what you want.
- Solution: Every time you notice yourself saying things like “you are stupid”, “you should have tried harder”, “you never do anything right” to yourself say STOP to yourself, question why you are saying this to yourself then move on with what you are doing. Give yourself permission to be flawed (everybody else is).
If you have found this article helpful, please comment below. Criticism of our partner or ourselves leaves us feeling resentful and hurt and the more we criticise……………..the more we criticise.
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