Are you a Victim, a Critic, or a Partner in your Relationship and in your Life?
We can all choose the type of character we want to be in our relationships and life and our choice will often have a direct effect on how well we get on with our partner, how happy and fulfilled we feel in our relationship, how we feel about ourselves, how we solve problems or make decisions and how we live our lives.
We can play lots of different characters but I want to focus on 3 very important characters.
The Victim
We have all occasionally (or maybe more often) played the victim in our relationship and life. Blaming others for what happens or what is not working for us. Playing the victim is toxic not only to your relationship but to how you live your life and most importantly to yourself, your self-esteem and your self-confidence. It alienates you from others and paralyses you from moving forward and enjoying your relationship and your life
Does not take responsibility
- When you are playing the victim in your relationship and life things happen TO you. When things don’t go your way or things go wrong it’s always someone else’s fault for how you feel or what you do. You struggle to see how you may have contributed to the situation and you take no responsibility for the circumstances you find yourself in.
- Solution: In every situation and event try asking yourself questions such as; “What did I do to contribute to this situation?” “What can I do differently next time to avoid ending up in this position?” “How can I see this situation differently?” What can I learn from this situation/event?” Be honest with yourself especially if it is a reoccurring argument/problem that is causing ongoing problems for you. Look for things you did well that you can continue to do and even improve on and look for things that you did not do so well and think about how you can change or do them better in the future.
Feels they have no control
- When you are playing the victim you feel you have no control over what happens in your relationship or in your life. You struggle to let people know what you need, desire or deserve. When it comes to problems/decisions you tend to do the same thing over and over which always ends up in the same bad result. This pattern really damages your relationship with your partner, your self-esteem and self-confidence.
- Solution: Remember you always have choices, not necessarily choices you particularly want, but you do have choices. Knowing that in itself brings a feeling of freedom and feeling of having some control. Pick one situation where you feel powerless and decide you will no longer accept the situation as it is. Decide how you want it to change and what first small step you can take to start making that change. Decide what is acceptable and unacceptable about that situation from now on. Then make a boundary around it and let your partner/family/friends know what that boundary is. Start with something small and build on it.
Constantly compare themselves to others
- When you are playing the victim you are constantly comparing yourself to others negatively. You are never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough and so on. The truth is we are all different but we are all equally amazing and in most cases the only person telling us we are not good enough is ourselves.
- Solution: We all have good qualities, we are all good at something, start noticing what your good qualities are and what you do well, make a list and keep adding to it. Read it every day. Practice gratitude every day for all, the great thing you have in your life. Accept compliments, people only give compliments when they meant them so accept with grace you deserve it
So there is character number 1, and I cant wait to share character number 2 with you tomorrow!! If you have found this article helpful, please comment below. If you think some of these characteristics or behaviours playing out in your relationship and you want some help to really identify them and discover ways you can start to change them then click here and book your FREE Relationship Remedy Call